My 6 AM flight to Detroit was canceled. Delta rerouted me to Denver via Atlanta—nothing like traveling around your ass to get to your elbow. But I’m thankful I’m on a plane, so I shouldn’t complain. But what is life if nothing more than a series of annoyed ponderance?
Sitting at the airport gate is a study of human depravity. Most people are duplicitously stressed, their bodies running on either pure adrenaline or a combination of Xanax and alcohol, gate agents included. The horror of that job, right? I’ve learned over the years that the gate agents will be your heroes if you let them. Mine checked in both of my bags for free today. All it took was a genuine human check-in. Kindness is king in travel. That sentiment is also key in life. That way of thought has taken me years to understand. Learning to harness my frustration and anger in true southern fashion has served me well in my later years. I can hear my mother’s “catch more flies with honey than vinegar” adage repeated in my head every time my temper attempts to flare.
Thanks to therapy, I’ve learned my anger comes from anxiety. And my anxiety comes from a fear of imperfection. Anger doesn’t serve you well on tour. Nothing is worse than dealing with hagrid road vets that waltz into my venue with a pissy attitude and a lack of gratitude. So I try my hardest to be gracious and thankful at every opportunity.
And with that thought, my flight to ATL is boarding. I’m in the middle seat. God help me, but Row 27 is a promising sign if I am looking for one. I’m always looking for a sign.
11:33PM
Well… no one was sitting next to me, so I moved over and sat by the window. The only open seat on the entire plane. And that’s as good as it got. The day went downhill from there. Let me recap…My 6 AM flight from Buffalo to Denver via Detroit was canceled last night at 7 PM. My flight was rescheduled to Noon, taking me from Buffalo to Denver via Atlanta. My plane in Buffalo sat on the tarmac for two hours to de-ice and left late. Due to the delay, I missed my connecting flight in Atlanta by 3 minutes. My flight from Atlanta to Denver was rebooked for a 10:35 PM departure. I then switched between gates three times, hoping to grab a seat on an earlier flight on standby, but no dice. However, my bags managed to make the flight. And then, to add insult to injury, my flight to Denver was further delayed. Lesson learned, never, ever, EVER book tour travel dates on the last day of Mercury retrograde!!
When I missed my connection, I had to wait in a customer service line with all the other weary travelers. A small child behind me couldn’t contain his excitement and kept jumping around and knocking into my bookbag. His mother kept laughing as if to taunt me. Little did they know, I had barely eaten today, and my hunger tempted me to eat the child to stop the annoying behavior. Good thing I’m vegetarian.
This shit is stressful. I’m trying to stay positive. At least I got some killer soul food at the food court. Nothing cheers a southern girl up like a big fat plate of black-eyed peas and rice, collard greens, green beans, and a side of cornbread. I’ve been calming my nerves by listening to true crime podcasts and watching old episodes of Dateline.
I’m exhausted. The Wi-Fi in the airport sucks. The kids behind me won’t stop yelling. The overhead music sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I want to stuff a sock in the gate agent’s mouth whenever he starts talking. No one needs unrehearsed humor at a time like this. My patience is as thin as a Girl Scout cookie but not as cool. A quick phone call to my boyfriend lifted my spirits. Something about the tone of his voice calms me when the world seems more than I can handle.
The plane is currently in the air and in route to Denver. I have five hours’ worth of tour prep, and instead of sleeping, I’ll burn the midnight oil to get the work done. Perhaps, if I can, I’ll take a wee nap instead of listening to murder porn the entire way. At the end of all of this, I’m the most frustrated that I don’t have enough time to attempt the Illuminati scavenger airport at DEN. Maybe next tour?